Men's golden rule of online dating - Patience begets Trust

People today have taken to online dating like a duck to water. Unfortunately, little innovation exists in the industry beyond the humdrum of message exchanges between members.

A dating site, www.oasisoflove.com is taking the initiative of surveying actual users to find out what they really think, and hence take necessary action for improved experience.

In a recent survey, 200 female users ages 18 to 57 were asked the same question:

"There are hundreds of thousands of men out there looking, yet women claim they can't find a man. Would you say online dating is working for you?"

The following are some of their responses, straight from the horse's mouth:

1. "many women use dating services as a chatting network. A lot of people are too scared to actually meet people off the internet... "

2. "women can't find men because most men near my age are looking for a young 20-30 year old hard body barbie!"

3."Women claim they can't find a man among those many many men because women have standards that maybe those men don't fit into"

4. "there is alot of pressure out there to 'Hook Up' right away, and that's not what i am looking for."

5. "I delete the smokers pretty quickly ( how can he care about me if he doesn't care about himself enough to not pollute his body and others around him? )."

6. "I'm very hesitant meeting people off the internet because of rape and murder"

7. "I know several people that have met and gotten married. So, it's possible. It's just one way to try to find someone. I haven't had any luck, but it's still better quality than I've found in the clubs."

8. "I have more trust in people in person than on the internet. I don't even know if I'm talking to who they say they are..."

These are pretty profound responses. The message is loud and clear, most women dating online are happy to chat, but highly sceptical when it comes to meeting in person. The problem can be summarized in one word - fear. Women are afraid to meet in person.

But what is the source of this paralysing fear women have? The answer is simple - the media gives heavy coverage to online relationships that end badly, while almost zero attention is paid to the successful ones. So in a woman's mind, online dating must be bad if all she keeps hearing about it are the bad stories.

Here are suggestions to men:

1. Stop with the lies and embellished personal worth. If you build an online relationship on deceit, eventually she'd find out the real you, and you'd be back to square one.

2. A picture is worth a thousand words. Have dozens of pictures of yourself taken in different places. Show your full body, not just head shots. Food for thought, if you're dating someone in real life, does she just get to see your head region or your whole body?

3. Cool your heels. Do not rush into wanting to meet. That scares women to death. It raises a red flag that you may be desperate, or worse, a predator. Instead, try to pursue true friendship first for a long while. She needs to gain your trust first and foremost.

4. When the discussion about meeting has begun, ask her to come with a friend if she so chooses. Suggest a meeting in daylight, and in a very public place. This gives her more confidence about her safety.

5. Beware of time-wasters. You are barking up the wrong tree if you're not diligent enough to separate the serious women from those merely online to chat and tease. The chatters are mostly time-wasters who use their time on a dating site as a pastime activity.

The bottomline is, if online dating is to progress beyond just a medium of message exchange, to actually meeting in person, men must control their urge to meet after just a brief online acquaintance. A woman's confidence in a man hinges on trust, without which dating online is a mere waste of time.

About the author:

Richard Akindele is the Founder of http://www.oasisoflove.com, a full-featured, and FREE online dating site.